Weekly news

This week I've had more and more cramping. Sometimes it last for minutes, sometimes hours, and once for a whole day! It's rather irritating, as menstrual cramps tend to be, so I just hope it's doing some good in there! At our appointment tomorrow, we'll probably get to find out whether I've started opening and softening (translation), so we'll see.

And a few days ago I experienced my first real contractions, two of them! These were no Braxton Hicks. They were the real deal, or a preview of the real deal at least! The sensation started like cramping, and spread quickly from my low belly to my whole uterus. It was odd to feel a menstrual cramp sensation right under my ribs. The feeling then spread around my body to my back, and felt like a tightening through my mid-section. At first I thought how strange it was that my back had started to hurt so suddenly. I didn't even realize what was happening until I was having the second of the two. Duh! Once I figured it out, I took a deep breath and immediately loosened and relaxed my whole body. Luckily I was lying down at the time. The discomfort lifted, and then it was over, just like that. So, now I've had just a little taste of what real contractions-- um, excuse me, I mean surges-- might feel like. And I got a little taste of how simple deep breathing might help. During real labor, I'll just have to stay relaxed and focused through a few thousand of those. No worries though!


I also realized the other day that I only have three more weeks of work before maternity leave starts! Thank God for that because I am exhausted. My last day in the office will be Tuesday, September 5th, followed by two days of training/ meetings related to a new software program I'll be implementing for my department later this fall. This week I kicked a few final projects into high gear and finished organizing my desk. I also spoke to my boss about the length of my leave, and about working from home during and after. I've been thinking about working from home for a while, but until recently didn't see how it would be possible. In four and a half years I've worked from home twice, and both times it caused a stink of gigantic proportions (Why can't we work from home too, and do oil changes in our driveways/ answer phones from our home offices/ drive buses from our living rooms?). Then in an unprecedented occurrence, I finally caught a break! About a month ago, the mayor decided to create an official policy for flex-time and telecommuting. It's still in the works, but should be up and running before my leave ends. Hellooooo perfect timing! My plan is to take eight full weeks off, then work part time, mostly from home, for another four. Once I return to work, I plan to work from home 1 1/2 - 2 days a week.


Our Hypnobirthing class on Tuesday night was... mediocre. We didn't do a lot of breath work this time. Instead, Tammy spent a lot of time reviewing what we had learned in the first two classes, mostly because we expect to lose two of the five couples next week, one due to a scheduling conflict, the other to expected delivery. We were in a different conference room this time with big windows that faced a busy road. The natural light was nice, but I was totally distracted and felt a little stressed out. My mind was somewhere else entirely!

I was finally able to center myself before the fear release script that Tammy read at the end of class. I relaxed, focused on my breathing, and surrendered to her words. It felt great at first, but unfortunately I didn't enjoy the script at all. The week before she had asked us to write down a few of our fears or worries concerning labor/delivery/parenting/etc. so that we could release them in class. I had mine ready [1. tearing/ 2. the health and safety of the baby]. But this script was different. She asked us to envision a scene of labor that had been described to us by someone else, one that was traumatic or unpleasant. I immediately pictured my own birth. My mom had a relatively normal labor at first that turned into a true emergency c-section, there was meconium, and I was in severe distress.

I think that knowing what that experience must have been like for me is part of what keeps me hoping for and committed to a natural, gentle birth experience for my baby. It really upsets me to see babies sprung from their warm cozy uterine homes into a cold, bright operating room filled with strangers. I know I watch waaaay too much Discovery Health Channel (Maternity Ward, Birth Day, Runway Moms, House of Babies, etc.), but I'm totally hooked (and have been for years)! Anyway...

Tammy asked us to visualize the scene, then step back, as if the visualization were a page in a book. I did. She then asked us to tear the page from the book and destroy it! Huh? I was caught off guard and a little annoyed. I had to pull myself out of this visualization immediately, because I do not fear this memory, nor do I have any desire to erase it from my mind! Instead of destroying it, I tried to picture the positive bits of the story, some retold and some imagined. It sort of worked, but at that point I was done relaxing and surrendering... I just wanted to get home. Ugh.