Time flies, whether or not you are having fun

I have been with the City for four years now. Seems like almost every day I learn something new about being a municipal government employee, but some days it's just learning the same thing all over again (same sh*t, different day). Today I am relearning that the harder you try, the further depressed you get about not being able to achieve anything.

This morning I thought the lesson of the day might have been something about pushing past the institutionalized apathy, dusting off your ambition, and being able to celebrate a job... well, done. I met with the Mayor herself to finalize a project I have been pouring everything into for the past four months. I was actually happy for an hour or two. I went out to lunch with a coworker and ate hot & sour soup and cheese wontons and tried to really believe that when I got back to the office the paperwork I've been waiting for would be waiting for me. First thing I did was check the fax machine. Nope! I then called around and found out that the person who had promised to make happen what needs to happen for me to go home tonight and actually NOT think about work was "out of the office". Cute... The other key player will not be in at all tomorrow. And if I don't get this paperwork in before the end of the day, there's a chance all my hard work may be for not. So, I have about a two hour deadline before my entire project explodes, taking my head along with it. Oh, did I mention there's an almost million dollar deal involved?

I majored in creative writing for crap's sake! What am I doing here? Why am I doing this to myself? I still don't know what I really want to do (when I finally do grow up), but it is definitely not this. Will someone please tell me what color my parachute is?